Summary
Overview
Actor Alan Ritchson joins Dax and Monica for an incredibly vulnerable conversation about his journey from a difficult childhood to becoming the star of Reacher. Alan opens up about his struggles with ADHD, CPTSD, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and the toxic fuel of resentment that has both driven his success and caused damage in his relationships. He shares stories about his late blooming, the tumor that disfigured his face as a teen, his time modeling and being victimized in that industry, the pivotal moment when he lost the Thor role that made him take acting seriously, and the viral motorcycle incident with a drunk neighbor. Throughout, Alan and Dax bond deeply over their shared experiences with childhood trauma, hypervigilance, and the challenge of balancing righteous anger with healthy relationships.
Rejection Sensitivity and Family Dynamics
Alan immediately connects with Dax over their shared tendency to assume they're always in trouble. Both describe how their first reaction when someone seems upset is 'what did I do?' - a pattern Alan's kids have called out as making their emotions about him instead. This leads to a discussion of Alan's recent diagnoses of ADHD, CPTSD, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and how these conditions fuel his work through cortisol and stress but cause volatility in his relationships. Alan reveals he wouldn't wish himself on his worst enemy and tends to isolate to protect others from himself.
- Alan's first thought when his kid cried was 'what did I do?' - revealing his hypervigilance and rejection sensitivity
- Alan's kids told him they hate when he asks if he did something wrong because it makes their emotions about him
- Alan was recently diagnosed with ADHD, CPTSD, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria
- Alan hired an ADHD coach because pre-40 the ADHD brain is a superpower but the fuel comes at a huge cost later
- The ADHD brain runs off cortisol, stress, and fear of rejection - an exhausting fuel source
" Don't you just feel like you're always in trouble? And I'm like, yeah, I feel like I'm always in trouble. "
" I wouldn't wish myself on my own worst enemy. I feel like it's just damage waiting to happen in a relationship. "
Childhood Trauma and CPTSD
Alan reveals he was recently diagnosed with CPTSD (chronic post-traumatic stress disorder) which is different from PTSD in that it results from repeated trauma over time rather than a single event. His therapist corrected him when he called his childhood experiences 'little t trauma,' explaining they were actually 'big T trauma' that he'd been minimizing. He's been working through EMDR therapy with vibrating handles to keep both brain hemispheres online while processing traumatic memories. This deep work is helping him understand the roots of his rejection sensitivity and hypervigilance.
- CPTSD comes from repeated 'little t trauma' as a child, like having a narcissistic or abusive adult in the home
- People with CPTSD and no secure attachments are almost likely to never fully recover
- Alan has experienced EMDR therapy with electromagnetic vibrating pulses to keep both hemispheres online
- His therapist told him his childhood experiences were 'big T trauma' not 'little t' - he'd been minimizing it
" My therapist was like, hold on. What you just said is not little T stuff. Like what you just said is big T stuff. No, no, but I deserve that. "
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