Summary
Overview
In this Armchair Anonymous episode titled 'Unauthorized Evacuation 3,' hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Padman share hilarious and mortifying stories from callers who experienced unexpected bowel emergencies. From a makeup counter disaster to teaching mishaps, river tubing incidents, and Christian camp chaos, these stories prove that digestive disasters unite us all. The episode celebrates the human experience with humor, empathy, and the comforting reminder that we've all been there—or will be someday.
Kayla's Makeup Counter Catastrophe
Kayla, a stressed college student working multiple jobs, takes a powerful laxative at work without reading the instructions. What follows is a nightmare scenario at her Ulta makeup counter on a busy Saturday. She not only experiences an accident but has to return to work after cleaning up, only to discover she left evidence on the floor. Her manager later hints at having seen everything on camera but never directly addresses it, creating an awkward standoff that Kayla wins by simply refusing to acknowledge what happened.
- Kayla was working full-time at a makeup counter and part-time at a snow cone place while attending school full-time, causing extreme stress and GI issues
- After six days of constipation, her doctor prescribed medication but Kayla lied at the pharmacy saying she'd taken it before to skip the consultation
- During a busy Saturday shift, she felt rumbling, attempted to fart behind the counter, and completely evacuated in her clothes—skirt, shirt, and thong
- She ran home across the street, changed clothes, and returned to work, but discovered she'd left feces on the floor near her counter
- Weeks later, her manager awkwardly confronted her saying 'you know, there's cameras' but Kayla stonewalled her and they never discussed it again
" I literally was like, yeah. You know, I know there's cameras. And she was like, okay. And I was like, all right. And she was like, okay, have a good shift. "
Josh's First Day Teaching Disaster
Josh, a new teacher in a fellowship program, experiences every educator's nightmare on his first day of summer school. After an intense training period, he boards a bus to an inner-city school with no knowledge of the building layout. Within minutes of the bus ride, he realizes he's in serious trouble. Despite having a plan to reach an adult bathroom, he doesn't make it past the boys' bathroom entrance, forcing him to spend his entire first day teaching—commando in khaki pants.
- Josh was in an intensive teaching fellowship program, training to teach in inner-city schools during summer school
- On the bus ride to his first day of teaching, he felt butterflies he attributed to nerves but quickly realized it was something worse
- He planned to use the adult bathroom in the office but only made it to the boys' bathroom—evacuating in his boxer briefs 15 steps from the stall
- He spent considerable time cleaning up with inadequate school toilet paper and paper towels, then buried his soiled underwear at the bottom of the trash
- Josh taught his very first class commando in khaki pants, hyper-aware of his situation and not moving around as much as he should have
" It's just a weird feeling to not have underwear on in front of a classroom of children. "
📚 3 more sections below
Sign up to unlock the complete summary with all insights, key points, and quotes
Get this summary + all future Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard episodes in your inbox
100% Free • Unsubscribe Anytime
Sign up now and we'll send you the complete summary of this episode, plus get notified when new Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard episodes are released—delivered straight to your inbox within minutes.