Summary
Overview
Dax Shepard and Monica Padman interview journalist and author Liz Plank in a wide-ranging conversation about modern dating, social media relationships, gender dynamics, and the challenges of finding partnership in contemporary society. They discuss the complexities of soft launches and hard launches on social media, the ROI of relationships for different genders, evolutionary biology's influence on dating behavior, and the importance of choosing imperfect partners willing to grow together.
Social Media Dating and the Soft Launch Phenomenon
Liz shares her recent experience with 'soft launching' her new boyfriend on social media and the stress that comes with modern dating visibility. She describes posting a photo where her boyfriend's face was hidden, only to regret it during their first fight. The conversation reveals how social media has added a new layer of complexity to relationships, where introducing a partner publicly becomes a high-stakes decision fraught with potential embarrassment if things don't work out.
- Liz's boyfriend is 6'7" and walks into trees and ceiling fans regularly
- Liz soft launched her boyfriend with his face hidden in a mirror selfie, then regretted it during their first fight
- The boyfriend didn't understand how big of a deal the soft launch was until she cried about it
- Liz has never posted a romantic partner on social media before despite past relationships
- Hard launch means showing face and tagging, while soft launch keeps things vague
" I can't believe I soft launched you. I'm an idiot. "
" I think when you're dating a man you're either going to become his wife or his ex-girlfriend. I think that it tends to be more embarrassing to be someone's ex-girlfriend than it is to be someone's ex-boyfriend. "
The Canon Event of Introducing Partners
Liz explains the concept of a 'canon event' in modern dating - telling everyone about someone you're excited about, only to have it fall apart, leaving you looking foolish. This fear of embarrassment drives the soft launch phenomenon and the reluctance to introduce new partners to friends and family too quickly. The discussion reveals how social media has amplified this ancient fear of vouching for someone who doesn't work out.
- A canon event is when you tell all your friends about someone you're excited about, then it doesn't work out
- Dax brought Liz on a date that didn't work out, creating that exact embarrassment
- The fear is looking like an idiot for having vouched for someone
- This embarrassment fear drives the soft launch trend
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