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No Such Thing As A Fish
No Such Thing As A Fish

No Such Thing As No Such Thing As A Crab

July 09, 2026 • 1h 2m

Summary

⏱️ 8 min read

Overview

The QI team is joined by Bertie Terrilliams, curator of the Margate Crab Museum, for a fascinating exploration of topics ranging from Thai language quirks and James Bond's cultural influence, to the surprising biology of soft-shell crabs, Victorian medical quackery involving butt plugs, and the wonderfully weird world of niche museums. Along the way, they discover how words travel between cultures, why humans might be uniquely good at holding in poop, and that everything you thought was a crab probably isn't.

Thai Language and James Bond's Linguistic Legacy

Bertie reveals that the Thai word for briefcase is 'kapow James Bond' - literally meaning 'James Bond bag' - because there was no common word for briefcase in Thai before the James Bond films were shown in Thailand. This sparks a broader discussion about Thai linguistics, including how Thai people use '555' to represent laughter online (since 'five' is pronounced 'ha'), the unique nature of Thai surnames where 81% of families have unique names they chose themselves, and how the Thai writing system uses an abugida rather than a true alphabet, with no spaces between words.

  • The Thai word for briefcase is 'kapow James Bond' because there was no common word for it before the James Bond films
  • Thai people write '555' to represent laughter online because 'five' is pronounced 'ha' in Thai
  • 81% of Thai people have unique family surnames that were chosen by their families, as surnames weren't used in Thailand until 1913
  • Thai uses an abugida writing system with no spaces between words and diacritical marks for vowels
  • A 1997 study found Thai readers actually benefit from spaces between words, contrary to what might be expected
  • Tiger Woods is quarter Thai and coined the term 'Cablinasian' to describe his mixed heritage
" It should be as accessible and easy to talk about as cabbages at a grocery store. You should be able to buy condoms like you buy cabbages. "

Bombs, Karaoke, and Thai Family Stories

Bertie shares a remarkable family story about his grandmother in Thailand, who had a Cambodian rocket land in her fish pond during border conflicts. The unexploded bomb remains there to this day, leading to concerns about whether loud karaoke might set it off. His young cousin was named 'Bomb Bam' because she was born during the conflict, illustrating how Thais use creative nicknames.

  • A Cambodian rocket landed in Bertie's grandmother's fish pond during Thai-Cambodian border conflicts and didn't explode
  • The military police decided to leave the bomb in the mud pond rather than dispose of it
  • The bomb is still there, and the family worries about loud karaoke potentially setting it off
  • Bertie's cousin was named 'Bomb' after the incident, with 'Bam' added because 'Bomb' wasn't cute enough for a girl
" We might get to it at some point we might just leave it is it still there it's still there yeah so i don't know sticking out of the pond you can see it you can't see it no it's sunk into the into the mud and it's just sort of sat there. "

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