Summary
Overview
This Daily episode tells the story of Erin Millinder and Adam Rubin, a couple whose divorce sparked a legal battle over frozen embryos created through IVF. The case highlights the murky legal landscape surrounding embryo custody when couples split, forcing courts to weigh one person's desire to become a parent against another's desire not to have a child. With hundreds of thousands of frozen embryos stored across the country and no clear legal precedent in most states, cases like this are shaping how the law handles reproductive technology and the question of when life begins.
Erin's Lifelong Dream of Having a Family
Erin Millinder, a 47-year-old lawyer, grew up with divorced parents and spent much of her childhood with just her father. This experience shaped her deep desire to create the traditional family she felt she missed. She deliberately waited to focus on her career, believing she had until age 35 before fertility became a serious concern, but finding the right partner proved more difficult than expected.
- Erin's parents divorced when she was two, and she grew up primarily with her dad, creating a strong desire for a traditional family
- Her mother advised her not to marry too young, so Erin focused on establishing financial stability and her legal career first
- She dated intentionally, even posting a creative Craigslist ad inviting men to approach the prettiest girl at a Container Store to meet her organically
- By her late 30s, she began to feel discouraged as friends paired off and she attended toddler birthday parties instead of weddings
" I don't know if it was ever as personal or specific as wanting to be a mom. I think I knew from a very early age I wanted a family. "
" I figured that was a good way to control for, well, okay, this is the person who will find me attractive. "
Meeting Adam and Building a Relationship
Erin met Adam Rubin through a mutual friend in 2018 when she was about to turn 39 and he was 37. From their first date, which lasted seven hours, they connected deeply. Erin was upfront about her age and desire for children, even before becoming intimate. Their relationship solidified when Adam showed up for Erin during her father's illness, demonstrating the kind of partner she wanted. After briefly breaking up when Adam wasn't ready to commit, he proposed in 2020 and they married in 2021.
- Erin and Adam met through a book club friend in 2018, with their first date lasting seven hours filled with laughter
- Before becoming intimate, Erin disclosed she was 39, wanted children, and would keep a pregnancy if it happened accidentally
- Adam's care for Erin's ailing father convinced her he was 'the kind of guy you marry'
- They briefly broke up when Adam wasn't ready for children, but he returned after five or six months, proposing in September 2020
" I remember thinking at that moment like wow this is this is an amazing sign like this is the kind of laughter you share with a best friend. "
" I remember looking down and just thinking, that's a real man. Like, that's the kind of guy you marry. "
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