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This American Life
This American Life

851: Try a Little Tenderness

January 25, 2026 • 1h 1m

Summary

⏱️ 10 min read

Overview

This episode explores the theme of tenderness and turning the other cheek in a world that often rewards aggression. Through stories ranging from young siblings resolving conflict to a noir-style detective tale, the episode examines moments when people choose compassion over anger, and when they struggle with that choice. The stories include a confrontation with vengeful crows, comedian Josh Johnson's thoughts on spanking and conflict resolution, and a bus driver's ideology about fairness versus mercy.

Sisters and the Art of Conflict Resolution

Six-year-old May has a fiery temper that often gets her into trouble, especially when her eight-year-old sister Johanna tries to tell her what to wear. During one particularly heated morning argument about clothing, May insisted the only way she could calm down was to punch Johanna in the face. But in a surprising turn of events, the sisters worked out their own solution without their mother's intervention, demonstrating remarkable emotional intelligence and the power of meeting anger with unexpected kindness.

  • May, age 6, gets extremely frustrated when her older sister Johanna tells her what to wear, leading to tantrums
  • During a clothing dispute, May told her mother the only way to calm down was to punch her sister in the face
  • May marched to Johanna's room and directly stated she wanted to punch her in the face
  • Johanna offered an alternative: 'You can punch me in the butt instead'
  • May punched hard to get all the anger out, and it worked - both sisters were smiling afterward
  • Johanna explained she knows May well after six years together and understood what she needed
" I said, I want to punch you in the face, and that's the only way I can calm down. "
" I punched it hard because, like, to try to get all the anger out because if I punched it softly, it sort of only lets a couple pieces of the madness out of you. "
" I could watch a whole entire movie about her in my mind. And so you know what to do. "

Opening - The Philosophy of Turning the Other Cheek

The episode opens with the story of six-year-old May and eight-year-old Johanna, who resolve their conflict through an unusual compromise. When May becomes furious about her sister telling her what to wear, she demands to punch Johanna in the face to calm down. Johanna's creative solution - offering her butt instead - defuses the situation and demonstrates a literal interpretation of 'turning the other cheek.' This sets up the episode's exploration of tenderness and non-aggressive conflict resolution in an increasingly hostile world.

  • The episode theme focuses on people trying tenderness in 'noisy, aggressive times'
  • May and Johanna's story exemplifies turning the other cheek, though 'it was her butt cheek that she turned'
  • Host Ira Glass introduces stories about pausing to see the good in each other
  • The episode promises stories including a hard-boiled detective, crows with vendettas, and righteous spankings
" It's something that I think Jesus said. He said that if somebody slaps you on your right cheek, like, you know, like slaps you on the cheek of your face, he says, turn the other cheek and offer the other cheek as well. Even if somebody's mad at you and does something unreasonable, you shouldn't get unreasonable yourself. "

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