Summary
Overview
In this deeply personal documentary series, Sayre Cavado chronicles his and his twin brother Connor's decision to find and meet their biological father after 28 years. Through extensive recordings of personal conversations, phone calls, and daily life, the story captures the complex emotions, sibling dynamics, and mounting tension as they attempt to make contact with a man who has never acknowledged their existence, all while living just minutes away from his Los Angeles barbershop.
The Decision to Search for Their Birth Father
After years of recording nearly every aspect of his life, Sayre faces a decision he notably doesn't record: Connor's call asking if they should look for their birth father. The episode establishes the twins' divergent personalities and lifestyles—Sayre, a radio documentarian in New York living a stable but unfulfilling life, and Connor, a nomadic seasonal worker who chose a different kind of freedom. Their different paths have created distance between them, but this search represents an attempt at closeness. Despite Sayre's adolescent phase of obsessing over his fatherlessness through shitty poetry and a teenage play, he had decided at 20 to stop actively thinking about his father.
- Connor calls on February 15, 2020 to ask if Sayre wants to look for their birth father—a conversation that is notably not recorded despite Sayre's habit of recording nearly everything
- Sayre began recording himself at age 16 at house parties, documenting seemingly inconsequential moments
- The brothers have contrasting lifestyles: Sayre works at a famous newspaper and has stability, while Connor does seasonal work and lives a nomadic existence
- At 17, Sayre wrote a play called 'Waiting to Meet Your Father' about two boys whose father stands them up at a cafe
- At age 20, Sayre decided it wasn't worth actively thinking about his birth father anymore
" There is a price for what we choose to remember and what we choose to forget. If you had known how this would all turn out, maybe you would have recorded everything. Or if you had known the cost, maybe you would not have recorded anything at all. "
" The critical difference between you and Connor is this: long ago without realizing it you chose a kind of freedom the kind that imparts stability and safety and that you pay for in unsubsidized loans, quarterly job reviews, happy hours with co-workers, boring party conversation. "
Navigating Loneliness and Connection in Pandemic LA
As the pandemic reshapes the world, Sayre moves to Los Angeles and struggles with isolation despite—or because of—living in a gentrifying neighborhood where he doesn't quite belong. His attempts at connection fail repeatedly: neighbors who don't return greetings, a cashier who responds in English when he speaks Spanish, endless nights at gay bars hoping someone will walk through the door and change his evening. His dating life is a series of rejections based on exhaustive criteria, while his teletherapy sessions reveal core wounds about never falling in love. The recordings capture a profound loneliness punctuated by drunken voice memos declaring that "nothing matters."
- Sayre moves to Los Angeles during the pandemic to be closer to something, though he's not sure what
- His next-door neighbors, a young white couple, rarely return his greetings in the gentrifying Central American neighborhood
- Sayre records his Tinder swiping sessions, revealing extensive criteria that eliminate nearly everyone
- In teletherapy, Sayre admits his main issue is the suspicion he will never fall in love; his last relationship ended on his 27th birthday
- Sayre develops a weekend routine of staying at his neighborhood bar until close, waiting for someone to change the course of his evening
" I have the sneaking suspicion that you will never fall in love. Your last attempt officially ended the night of your 27th birthday, you and your ex shouting at one another beneath the rattling viaduct of the M line, your ex saying it's been two years, you need to get over me. I got over you in a week. "
" Nothing matters. Same shit every day. Nothing matters. "
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