Summary
Overview
Divorce attorney James Sexton, who has practiced family law for 25 years, joins Jay Shetty to share insights from his book 'How to Stay in Love.' Drawing from thousands of divorces, Sexton reveals that over 50% of marriages end in divorce, yet 86% of divorced people remarry within five years. He discusses the root causes of divorce—disconnection and feeling unseen—and offers practical wisdom on maintaining long-term relationships, including the importance of communication, vulnerability, and preventative maintenance in marriage.
The Sobering Statistics of Marriage and What They Really Mean
Sexton opens with a striking statistic: over 50% of marriages end in divorce, which by legal standards would make marriage a 'reckless' activity. However, he finds hope in the fact that 86% of divorced people remarry within five years, suggesting humans have a deep need for partnership. He challenges the assumption that marriage is always the 'right thing to do' and proposes we should ask ourselves: what is the problem to which marriage is a solution?
- Over 50% of marriages end in divorce, making it statistically a high-risk endeavor
- If you factor in unhappy marriages that don't end in divorce, the fail rate could be around 70%
- 86% of people who divorce are remarried within five years, showing the importance of connection
- Marriage is considered the proper thing to do, yet asking 'why are you getting married?' is seen as rude
" If something 50% or more of the time ends in pain and heartbreak, it's actually reckless to do it. "
" 86% of people who divorce are remarried within five years, which to me actually speaks to the importance of marriage. "
The Wedding Industrial Complex vs. The Work of Being Married
Sexton distinguishes between the joy of weddings and the challenge of marriages. While weddings are beautiful celebrations where two people declare they've found their person among 8 billion options, saying 'I do' isn't saying 'I can'—at best, it's saying 'I'll try.' We spend tremendous time planning weddings but almost no time preparing for the daily work of being married, which is far more challenging than the ceremony itself.
- Weddings are a multi-billion dollar business, but being married is much more challenging than getting married
- Saying 'I do' isn't saying 'I can'—at best it's saying 'I'll try'
- We would benefit from taking the 'being married' part more seriously from the beginning
" Saying I do isn't saying I can. At best, it's saying I'll try. "
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