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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty

If You Can't Stop Thinking About Your Ex, Do This (The Path To Real Closure)

June 26, 2026 • 24m

Summary

⏱️ 8 min read

Overview

Jay Shetty delivers a compassionate and psychologically-grounded guide to healing from heartbreak, explaining why closure must come from within rather than from an ex-partner. He explores the neuroscience of romantic rejection, debunks the myth that more information leads to healing, and provides practical strategies for moving through grief toward genuine acceptance and personal growth.

The Trap of Seeking External Closure

Shetty opens by addressing the universal post-breakup experience of desperately seeking explanations and resolution. He explains how our minds spiral in search of the perfect answer that will ease the pain, but reveals that real closure cannot come from another person. The journey to genuine closure begins when you stop expecting the person who hurt you to be the one who heals you, as more information typically leads to more questions rather than satisfaction.

  • After a breakup, we replay conversations, reread texts, and stalk social media searching for explanations
  • The mind desperately wants resolution when a significant relationship ends without clarity
  • Real closure does not come from another person - it begins when you stop expecting your ex to heal you
  • More information leads to more questions, not more healing
" Real closure does not come from another person and the journey to true, genuine closure begins the moment you stop expecting the person who hurt you to be the one who heals you. "
" More often than not, more information leads to more questions. "

The Neuroscience of Heartbreak

Drawing on brain imaging studies and psychological research, Shetty explains why heartbreak feels so physically painful and mentally consuming. He reveals that romantic rejection activates the same neural pathways as physical pain and addiction withdrawal, which is why the mind obsessively returns to the source of attachment seeking relief. The human brain inherently seeks certainty and struggles with ambiguity, making unresolved endings particularly tormenting.

  • Brain imaging shows romantic rejection activates neural pathways associated with physical pain, craving, and addiction withdrawal
  • Heartbreak can feel like your heart is breaking and like detoxing from a drug
  • The human brain hates unresolved endings and seeks certainty to reduce tension
  • The brain keeps returning to unresolved issues, trying to make sense of them and reduce discomfort
" Brain imaging studies have found that romantic rejection actually activates many of the same neural pathways associated with physical pain, craving and addiction withdrawal. "

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