Summary
Overview
Dr. Maya Shankar discusses her book 'The Other Side of Change' with Jay Shetty, exploring how to navigate both chosen and unexpected change. Drawing from her personal experience losing her violin career at 15 due to injury, as well as her struggles with infertility, Maya shares science-based strategies for dealing with life's unexpected turns. The conversation emphasizes that change threatens our self-identity, but by anchoring to our 'why' rather than our 'what,' we can maintain a more secure sense of self and emerge transformed on the other side of change.
The Two Types of Change and Maya's Personal Journey
Maya introduces the fundamental distinction between change we choose and change that chooses us, sharing her formative experience as an aspiring concert violinist at Juilliard under Itzhak Perlman. At age 15, a career-ending injury forced her to confront unexpected change for the first time. This experience shaped her entire approach to studying change, revealing how deeply our identities become intertwined with what we do, and how losing that can feel like losing ourselves entirely.
- There are two types of change: the change you choose and the change that chooses you
- Maya studied at Juilliard under Itzhak Perlman as an aspiring concert violinist
- A sudden injury at age 15 ended Maya's violin career and became her first major experience with unwanted change
- The injury wasn't about not being good enough—it was something completely out of her control
" One is the change that you choose and the other is the change that chooses you. "
" I should start by saying that the reason I study change is because I'm super scared of it. And I'm really bad at it. "
The Science of Uncertainty and Our Need for Control
Maya reveals fascinating research showing humans prefer certainty even when it means guaranteed pain over uncertainty. She explains how our brains create an illusion of control to prevent nihilism, and why people with an internal locus of control generally have higher well-being—until unexpected change shatters that illusion. This section explores why we struggle so deeply with events outside our control and the psychological mechanisms behind our discomfort with uncertainty.
- Research shows we're more stressed with a 50% chance of electric shock than a 100% chance—uncertainty is worse than guaranteed pain
- Our brains lead us to believe we have control to prevent descending into nihilism
- People with internal locus of control (feeling they dictate outcomes) generally have higher well-being
- When unexpected change happens, it shatters the illusion of control and creates tumultuous times
" We are more stressed when we're told we have a 50% chance of receiving an electric shock than when we're told we have a 100% chance of getting that shock. "
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