Summary
Overview
In this deeply personal episode, Roxy Nafousi, bestselling author of Manifest, discusses her new book 'Confidence: Eight Steps to Knowing Your Worth.' She opens up about her lifelong struggle with severe body dysmorphia disorder (BDD), sharing how she battled self-loathing and addiction while building her career. The conversation explores the difference between confidence and arrogance, why we seek validation, how to stop people-pleasing, and practical steps to build genuine self-worth from within.
Defining True Confidence
Roxy redefines confidence as something deeper than extroversion or charisma. She explains that confidence is fundamentally about self-worth and knowing you are enough exactly as you are. True confidence means being able to walk into any room unapologetically yourself and walk out without worrying what others thought of you. This quiet, grounded stability differs drastically from the loud, performative version many people mistake for confidence.
- Confidence is ultimately about self-worth and knowing you are enough exactly as you are
- Confidence isn't about being an extrovert - it's grounding, quiet, and stable
- Introverts can have quiet, grounded confidence without needing to prove themselves
" Confidence is about being able to walk into any room unapologetically yourself and walk out of it not worrying what everyone else thought of you "
" Confidence isn't about proving yourself. It's about knowing you're enough and not needing anyone else to validate that for you. "
The Validation Trap and the Second Arrow
The conversation explores why humans crave validation and how social media has transformed this evolutionary need into a toxic measuring stick of worth. Roxy explains that while some validation helps us grow, we've taken it too far, allowing others' opinions to matter more than our own. Jay introduces the Buddhist concept of the 'second arrow' - where rejection is the first arrow, but the meaning we attach to it becomes a self-inflicted second wound.
- Evolutionarily we needed validation to belong and survive in tribes, but now we use it to measure our worth
- When posts don't get expected engagement, we change our own perception rather than questioning the algorithm
- We become the best fiction writers when writing the nightmare version of why things happened
- The 'second arrow' principle: rejection hurts, but the meaning we attach creates deeper self-inflicted wounds
" I am not who I think I am, I'm not who you think I am, I'm who I think you think I am "
" We don't just look for external validation to guide us. We look for it to tell us what we should think about ourselves. "
📚 6 more sections below
Sign up to unlock the complete summary with all insights, key points, and quotes
Get this summary + all future On Purpose with Jay Shetty episodes in your inbox
100% Free • Unsubscribe Anytime
Sign up now and we'll send you the complete summary of this episode, plus get notified when new On Purpose with Jay Shetty episodes are released—delivered straight to your inbox within minutes.